Headlines | US Tourist Airlift Chaos

USA | Travel | POTUS | 19 August 2021

Horrifying scenes from Kabul airport.

Following the collapse of US tourism to Afghanistan, after President Biden declared it off-limits to Americans, horrifying pictures have emerged of people clinging to aircraft in order to escape the country after the borders were closed by the new tourist-unfriendly regime aka the Taliban.

The Taliban have also mandated 'staycations' for all Afghans while the country is converted into an Islamic Emirate during which time the entire tourist industry and many of its personnel are to be eliminated and the country returned to strict Sharia law.

For 20 years, Afghanistan has been a popular holiday destination for US military tourists and their allies, taking advantage of the top-class infrastructure of the Kabul Hotel Bagram and taking part in daily 'extreme hiking' excursions into rural areas, a feature of which has been the ability to call-in an air or drone strike on anyone who looks suspicious. A kind of 21st century 'Westworld' but without Yul Brynner.  

Unfortunately, people fleeing the country have been restricted to taking only one item of hand baggage with them and must leave their pets behind. This means a great deal of expensive possessions, often paid for by the US taxpayer, have had to be left behind just like in the past when the US left Vietnam and the Brits left Aden.

A spokesperson for one of the airlines providing evacuation flights told FNN:

The one item of hand baggage rule and no pets is necessary because the hold and even the undercarriage is stuffed with people.

We have had to amend our online booking systems to include a new zero-frills 'baggage' class, a $2000 fare that does not even offer passengers a bag of peanuts and a soda for refreshment as the flight attendants are unable to access the hold.  

Naturally there are no refunds if you happen to fall out of the plane as this is not covered by IATA regulations.

EU spokesperson, Ursula von Richthofen commented:

The EU has responded quickly to this crisis by sending a fleet of Boeing 737-MAX aircraft to pickup EU citizens. Vorsprung durch Teknik!

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